What do you say to someone who is prone to worrying and
doesn’t do a terrific job of managing her stress?
You tell her, “Get the Calm
Only, I suppose, if you are my clever friend Liz, who
suggested this exact thing to me a couple months ago when I was losing my sh**
over one of life’s latest crises.
Liz tends to be ahead of the curve on things like meditation
apps, so I listened up. “Calm is
better than Xanax,” she told me. “I do it fifteen minutes each day. Taking this
time for my mind and body has been transforming.”
Liz and I are similarly wired, so I asked for more details.
She said, “In the past, I hadn’t noticed how wound up I was doing simple things
like grocery shopping. I’d be irritated and in such a rush, literally feeling
my muscles tight and stressed. Now, I’m more relaxed. After meditation in the
morning, which is often in a random parking lot after I drop off the kids at
school, I feel like a Zen surfer dude gliding through the day.”
I can describe myself using many different adjectives, but
Zen is not one of them. I could see the benefit of having a tool right on my
phone to help me glide through the day. So I hopped over to the App
Store and purchased Calm without a
When you open Calm, the
simple words “take a deep breath” greet you. Beyond that, Calm offers a treasure trove of resources for the habitually
anxious, including guided and unguided meditations, sleep stories, and programs
for managing stress and promoting gratitude. Best of all, there is a daily
exercise that fosters mindfulness and concentration.
you to find a quiet, comfortable spot where you can close your eyes, maintain a
wakeful posture (as if a string is pulling you up from the top of your head),
and disregard the rest of the world for a while. The lulling voice of Tamara,
the narrator – plus the background noise of chirping birds and lapping water –
is reassuringly Xanax-like.
Since downloading Calm
I’ve been doing it almost every night in bed before going to sleep, but I confess
that meditation does not come easy for me. “Return to the breath” is Tamara’s
mantra, but it is so hard. I try to
concentrate on the air as it moves in and out of my body, but my mind begins to
wander like a hyper puppy off-leash. Tamara, ever merciful, instructs me not to
fret: “There is no judgment. Let go of your thoughts and imagine them floating
away like leaves on a stream.”
As if it’s not challenging enough to follow Tamara’s basic directions,
I am plagued with a host of other disruptions that make meditationeven more difficult. I’m sitting in my
bed, for instance, legs crossed and hands resting lightly in my lap, when I
hear my son padding down the hallway toward my bedroom. “Owen is supposed to be
sleeping!” I hiss to Tamara. He opens the door. Although my eyes are closed, I
can sense him staring at me. He closes the door and races back to his room while
shrieking with laughter. I silently appeal to Tamara for support. “Return to
the breath,” she says.
A similar incident happens the following night. I’m trying
to do Calm, but this time my
daughter Caroline barges in. “She should be doing her homework!”I think helplessly. Caroline watches me
in what I can only assume is fascination (I’ve
never seen my mom so still and quiet before!) and then she asks, “What’s up
with the hippie hobby, Mom?” I cannot
answer because my brain is mush and I’m getting pissed, so I keep my eyes shut
and ignore her. All while – yes, you got it – attempting to return to the
But the worst interruption to Calm comes from my husband. It’s another evening and I’m just
getting into my groove, working on “softening my forehead,” when I
hear him hollering for me downstairs. The string holding my spine straight
snaps in half. The direction of the stream turns and every messy thought comes
crashing on top of me like a tsunami. “What
does he want?” I ask Tamara in sheer desperation. I climb out of bed and
find my husband in the kitchen, checking his email.
“There’s a message here from Apple indicating that somebody
in our family bought an app called Calm,”
“That was me. I bought Calm,”
“But Calm is
freaking expensive!” he says. “It was $63.29!”
I’ve only purchased one or two apps in my life, so I have no
context for this discussion. He goes on, “Every app I buy is only a couple
bucks. I’ve never spent $63.29 on an
“But Calm is
different,” I say. “It’s got all these tools and activities. It offers
something new every single day. It’s like a meditation curriculum.” I know I sound lame, but I’ve come to believe in Calm, even if can’t achieve it
“Well you better be doing a lot of Calm to make it worth the price!” he says.
Let me tell you: there is nothing more buzz-killing to Calm than being told by your spouse that
you need to do a lot of it to justify the cost. My inner surfer dude wilts a
I keep thinking of Liz, who, as you’ll recall, mediates in
her car in random parking lots. “I’m concerned that someday someone will knock
on my car window thinking I’m asleep or dead,” she says. “But so far I haven’t
Perhaps I need to take my meditation on the road.
In my bed, in a car, wherever I can find that sense of peace
that continually eludes me, I’m holding out hope that Calm is going to help. My husband and kids can
complain and laugh all they want, but the truth is this: if I can be more
serene and composed in my daily life, they will directly benefit. All for $63.29. It's a complete steal, if you ask me. And much less than a Xanax prescription for the year.
I was getting breakfast ready when he slunk into the kitchen, obviously
trying to stay out of my line of sight. “Good morning, buddy,” I said. No
response from the normally chatty Owen, who was covering his face with his
“Why are you hiding behind your shirt?” I asked. “Come on out and have
something to eat.”
“I can’t,” he mumbled through the fabric. “Something is wrong with my
“Something is wrong with your face?”
I shouted. Breakfast is too early in the day to lose my grip (yet,
pathetically, it happens all the time).
“There are dots all over it,” he said, at which point I demanded he let
me see. He sighed and pulled his shirt down into place. His face was covered
with garish purple spots. Nearly 10 of them, in fact. My jaw dropped as the
word PESTILENCE flew into my brain (followed, irrationally, by MEASLES, MUMPS, RUBELLA, and SCARLET
“What is wrong with you?” I shrieked.
I didn’t know if I should touch him or place him in quarantine, but I went
ahead and made sure he didn’t feel feverish. I also took a soapy rag to his
cheeks, chin and forehead to see if this was some sort of joke. It was not.
At this point, my husband had entered the kitchen and was surveying the
scene with his usual mix of mild concern and amusement. “I’d call the
pediatrician, Laura,” he graciously offered up.
As I was reaching for my phone, Owen’s eyes grew large and he gave me a
look. You know that look, don’t you? It’s a blend of fear and guilt, and I can
recognize it on my son’s face a mile away. I set down the phone. “Buddy, before
I call the doctor, please tell me if
there’s something I should know about your face. Did you do anything to it?
Anything at all?”
And with that, Owen nodded slowly while he slipped his hand into his
pocket. He brought out a little rubber pencil-topper, similar to an eraser but just for
decoration. The tiny alligator head sat in the palm of his hand. “Owen,
what did you do with the alligator
head?” I asked. None of this was making sense. Then, he mimed using the alligator
head as a suction cup on his face, and everything was suddenly, absurdly, clear.
“Oh, my GOD, Owen used the ALLIGATOR
HEAD to give himself hick—,” my husband started yelling with glee, but I
cut him off with a look of death before he could finish. As far as I’m
concerned, “hickey” does not need to be the newest addition to my son’s
“Owen, did you really use the pencil-topper as a suction cup all over your
face?” I asked. He nodded. “Did you do it just now, after waking up?”
He shook his head. “I did it last night in bed when I was trying to
Twelve hours out and his hickeys looked as good as new; I supposed they weren't going to fade anytime soon. An executive decision needed to be
made. “Well, I’m so relieved you aren’t sick. You are going to school and you’ll have
to hold your head high,” I said briskly. “I’m going to call your teacher and
the school nurse and tell them about your bruises”—
I glowered at my husband here – “and let them know you’re not contagious.”
To his credit, Owen went to school and survived his classmates’ stares
and curiosity. I, on the other hand, didn’t make peace with his hickey
situation as easily: it was just another piece of evidence that I’m woefully
unprepared to handle the ludicrous things my children choose to do.
I met some girlfriends for coffee after Owen had gone off to school. Our
conversation began like every conversation does – “What’s going on?” etc.
etc. My customary response to this question is “Nothing” because, mercifully,
we are healthy and fine and life is trucking along mostly uneventfully.
But I’m starting to think “Nothing and everything, both at the same
time” is a reply that’s much closer to the truth. Because like everybody else, I’ve got
my ordinary stuff going on that no one wants to hear about (like how I need to
clean the toilets and stop at the grocery store to buy spaghetti for dinner),
but if I scratch at the surface there is so much simmering underneath (like the gargantuan
concerns I have about my kids, my work, the world). These things have the power
to take my breath away if I dwell on them, so I avoid it. But they’re
Back to coffee: when my friends started in with their usual questions
that particular morning, “Nothing and everything” was the only way for me to
respond to them. Because, really, how else does one begin to explain that her
son has given himself a face-full of hickeys with a pencil-topper?
Peace is Every Step: The Path of
Mindfulness in Everyday Life by Thich Nhat Hanh. Have you read it?
I read it in college, but back then it was lost on me.
Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, peace activist, world-renowned
speaker, and author of more than 100 books on things like spirituality and
meditation. Clearly he’s a one-in-a-million type of guy, but I didn’t much appreciate
this when I was a 21-year-old.
Thich wrote Peace is Every Step
to encourage people to heed the “bells of mindfulness.” He isn’t talking about actual bells, rather he is pointing out
areas in our lives where we can slow down and pay better attention. I remember
thinking that his bells of mindfulness were kind of crazy. As I recall, for instance,
he suggests that instead of looking at washing dishes as a monotonous task, we
should treasure every minute of the suds on our hands while “breathing in and
smiling out.” I also remember a chapter devoted to an orange and how we should try to “see the whole world in that orange.”
Twenty years later, the concept of mindfulness has become much more prevalent.
I recognize the significance (and try to practice it, too, if sometimes grudgingly) of being present
in the moment. In fact, I've been thinking there might be some value in
revisiting Peace is Every Step, so I've tracked down Thich on my bookshelf where he has sat unopened since 1995.
A quick flip through the book confirms that yes, Thich has written
about doing dishes, and yes, he has written about a tangerine (not an orange, but
close enough). I’m glad my memory is intact. But there are a lot of things I
don’t remember, like conscious breathing and eating with
awareness. There’s some good stuff here.
Then I stumble upon a chapter called “Driving Meditation.” Ah, driving!
I’m in my car all the time, so this ought to be helpful. Thich begins with a
few easy lines for us to recite:
"Before starting the car,
I know where I am going.
The car and I are one."
Why, yes, he's gotten that right: the car and I are certainly one! Next, he
suggests we “drive consciously” instead of “thinking only about arriving.” I
feel like he wrote this line just for me. I think only about arriving because I
am always running at least 10 minutes late to my destination. So, how exactly do
I drive more consciously? He offers some guidance:
“The red light is a kind of enemy that
prevents us from attaining our goal. But we can also see the red light as a
bell of mindfulness, reminding us to return to the present moment. The next
time you see a red light, please smile at it and go back to your breathing… It
is easy to transform a feeling of irritation into a pleasant feeling. Although
it is the same red light, it becomes different. It becomes a friend, helping us
remember that it is only in the present moment that we can live our lives.”
Well, Thich. This might be a stretch for me. I’m guessing you’ve never
sat through five red lights at the torn-up intersection of Verona Road and the
Beltline during rush hour with three kids in the backseat, am I right? But I’m
trying to be open to your wisdom, so I read on:
“Sit back and smile to yourself, a smile
of compassion and loving kindness. Enjoy the present moment, breathing and
smiling, and make the other people in your car happy. Happiness is there if you
know how to breathe and smile.”
With all due respect, Thich, this is where I draw the line. Not only do
you not have three kids in your backseat, but you also aren’t responsible for
carting them to and from their extracurricular activities every bloody afternoon.
Let me put it this way: how is it really
possible to sit back and smile when my weekly carpooling schedule has
come to resemble an algebraic formula?
c = Caroline
j = Jane
o = Owen
s = soccer
d = dance
m = martial arts
t = weekly travel time in car
i = my irritation and fatigue
4cd + 5jd + 3os + 2om =
And t = i
Therefore, 4cd + 5jd + 3os + 2om =
Solve for i.
Let’s be honest, I will never be able to figure out the correct answer to this
equation because, crazy enough, i seems to fluctuate,
even if the number of hours I drive remains similar each week. (I can
guarantee i˃ 0, though. Always.)
Furthermore, I know that I will never be able to hear the bells of mindfulness (b) when
I drive. And I’m really trying. (So b≠t andb≠ i.)
These failures, along with my dislike of algebra, are starting to make me feel like a very lousy person, until
I realize that maybe I just need to give it another 20 years. So back on the shelf
you go, Peace is Every Step. Back on
the shelf you go.
I found my 12-year-old daughter clipping her toenails in bed.
LAST NIGHT, I FOUND MY 12-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER CLIPPING HER TOENAILS IN BED.
else out there think this is disgusting?
I imagine my
daughter sleeping upon tiny crescent moons of dried-up toenails and I begin
to gag a little. We have hashed the topic of personal hygiene to death (and by “hashing to death” I mean her eyes glazing over as
I convey the necessity of things like, oh, trimming one’s toenails over a
garbage can in the bathroom), but she doesn’t seem to get it.
In general, I
try to stay calm when my children baffle me, because they are at the age where
they just look at me witheringly and say things like, “Chill out, Mom.” I was sort of composed when I
found my daughter clipping her toenails in bed, but then I became not-composed:
“Could you please relocate that particular activity to the bathroom, like
immediately?” [No exclamation points, no judgment. But then...I started to envision my daughter clipping her toenails in bed as a 20-year-old, and a switch
“But seriously, don’t you care that you’re going to have toenails in your
sheets?” [Voice rising, becoming shrill.] “What are you going to do when you go
to college someday? You can’t clip your toenails in bed in your dorm room! Your
roommate will think you are gross! Moreover, what are you going to do when you are
married? Your future spouse is going
to wonder why your mom never taught you about hygiene!”
My daughter responded
with a shrug. “I don’t want to get married, anyway,” she said.
This concept of a future spouse has hijacked my brain. Suddenly, all I’m
thinking about is the innocent people who one day, after the honeymoon ends,
will be required to suffer through my kids’ indifference to personal
cleanliness. My son, for example, refuses to wear socks with his tennis shoes these days,
leading to feet that smell like parmesan cheese gone bad. “His poor future
spouse,” I say, with a sympathetic shake of my head. Then there’s the fact that
neither of my daughters will shower or brush their teeth unless reminded
(read: implored) by me no less than five times. “Run while you can, future spouses,”
I grimace. “Run while you can.”
Yes, I know
all about “natural consequences” and the importance of letting my children face
the logical and often unpleasant results that come from, say, not changing one’s
underwear for a few days. But for me, this is much easier said than done. Because it’s
admitting that I can’t stick them in the bathtub and soap them up like I used
to when they were babies. Now, I just hold my breath (literally and
figuratively) and hope that they will figure it out. But if they don’t, I stand
in solidarity with you, future spouses: I will be the best mother-in-law ever,
because if you find anything nasty in your bed, you can come crash in my
guest bedroom. I swear it will be toenail-free.
I should’ve known
we had a problem when I caught my son dabbling in illegal activity last summer.
It all had
to do with the Snack Shack. The Snack Shack is the snack bar at our
neighborhood swimming pool. Tickets for the Snack Shack are 25 cents each, and
to Owen they represent all that is mind-bogglingly glorious about summer, like
Laffy Taffys, Bomb Pops, and nachos with neon-orange cheese sauce.
You will not
be surprised to learn that I enforce a strict limit on the number of Snack
Shack tickets my kids are able to use every day. Nor will you be surprised to
learn that Owen repeatedly revolts against this limit, which he somehow perceives
to be a personal insult.
afternoon in late July, I noticed Owen busy at work in a dim corner of our
basement with scissors, markers and poster board. When I pressed him for
details about his mystery art project, he carefully maneuvered his body to
block my view. “I’m not making anything,
Mom,” he said, evading eye contact. “Really.”
reason kids go to bed before their parents. It’s so moms can snoop through
clandestine art projects. Poking around the basement, I was surprised to find
that Owen had cleaned up the mess on his own (!), without me having to nag (!),
so 99% of the evidence was gone. However, he was not flawless in his execution
because, on my hands and knees behind a chair, I cheerfully unearthed two
clues: a real Snack Shack ticket AND A COUNTERFEIT SNACK SHACK TICKET, MADE BY OWEN.
“Oh, my God,”
I said to the empty basement. “My son is a criminal.”
following morning, Owen, my husband and I had a sit-down discussion about how making
counterfeit Snack Shack tickets is wrong, etc. etc. There were apologies, there
was a no-Snack Shack-for-a-week punishment doled out, there were tears. All in
all, I thought it was a positive learning experience for my burgeoning
give the counterfeit Snack Shack ticket sting another thought until last week,
nine months later. Owen had just walked home from school. He came through the
backdoor with great fanfare, brandishing a $20 bill. “Buddy, where did you get
that?” I asked, and a creeping sense of doom rose in my throat: the look on his
face told me that he instantly regretted waving the money in my face and should
have left it concealed in his pocket.
“Buddy, where did you get that?” I asked again,
trying to remain composed.
he said, cornered. “Nothing. No one.” It was time
for another sit-down discussion, whereupon I was uncomfortably reminded of
Owen’s creativity, boldness, and enterprising spirit. He confessed that he had
sold some of his better Pokémon cards to a classmate in some sort of “deal”,
but he was sketchy about how the sale went down.
He and his friends have been trading Pokémon cards all year, but buying and selling them is another thing entirely. Last I checked,
buying and selling anything on the
school playground is not a super idea. I made this very clear to Owen. There
were admonishments, there were consequences, there were tears. I thought it was
a positive learning experience for him, but I found myself worrying anew: first
it’s counterfeit Snack Shack tickets, now it’s a Pokémon-card laundering
scheme. What next?
In the midst
of my mini-crisis, I had lunch with a close friend. It was a perfect chance for
me to vent about my concerns about Owen. He might have a brazen entrepreneurial
spirit, but he pushes boundaries like crazy and it makes me nervous. My friend told
me that I wasn’t alone, referencing her own mom and brother, who had a good
deal of similar challenges when he was a kid. “My mom spent 18 years with a pit
in her stomach, wondering when the next call about my brother was going to
come,” she said. “She felt like she could never relax. On the days when the
school didn’t call her, it was his coach or the church instead. She said she
never felt safe. She was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
That is exactly how I feel: I don’t feel safe. I
love my friend’s mom for putting it that way. I always have a snarky little
voice in the back of my head that whispers things like, “So, you think you had
a good day today, Laura? Just wait until tomorrow. You can't remain unscathed for long.” In light of Owen’s questionable
decision-making, the voice is getting even worse: “Your kid is sneaky and he’s
only in third grade! What will he try to get away with when he’s in high
In fact, I
have no clue what he will try to get away with when he’s in high school, nor do
I want to dwell on that right now. Because I’m too consumed with trying to raise
up three law-abiding citizens while making sure I don’t lose my sanity. – Although,
really, why do I think I should be immune from this? Isn’t being a mother inherently stressful and unsafe and insane?
There is a quote I’ve heard that touches on this idea:
the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have
your heart go walking around outside your body.”
If I were a
better, more crafty person, I would cross-stitch this phrase on canvas and hang
it on my wall. It would look pretty, and it would remind me I’m not alone in my
madness. But I know nothing about cross-stitch, and I don’t have any free time:
my heart is too busy out there in the world making sham tickets for the snack
bar and getting the better end of the deal on illicit Pokémon transactions.
When I’m not knee-deep in these 40 days of solemn religious observance,
I’ve been known to have a mouth like a sailor. (Never in front of my kids – but
get me behind a closed door and I will let an f-bomb fly.) I’d like to think
that Lent is a chance for me to purify myself, much like Jesus’s fasting in the
wilderness, but I can only conclude that Jesus was a much better person than I.
Because, oh Lord, I’m struggling without those razor-sharp words in my verbal
A few years ago, researchers from The
Journal of Pain and a British university conducted studies on swearing and found
that it can provide effective, natural, short-term pain relief. Participants in
the studies were able to withstand an ice-cold water challenge for a longer
length of time if they repeatedly uttered swear-words than if they repeated a
neutral word. The researchers figured out that swearing helped the participants
withstand the pain because of the emotional response (anger, aggression, etc.) the
swearing produced. This emotional response actually led to a surge in
adrenaline much like the body’s natural fight or flight response. The
researchers called it “stress-induced analgesia.” I call it magnificent.
I never wholly appreciate this stress-induced analgesia until I am
forced to live without it. Which, of course, is the case right now. It’s a real
challenge for me, because there have already been multiple times today where a swear-word has begun to form on my
lips. I’ve been able to choke all of them back, but I acutely miss the blissful
sense of liberation that comes from hurling those plump, ripe curses into the
My day started at the crack of dawn with my son, Owen. His desire to
play Pokémon cards with his friends on the playground is so godda** intense
that he sometimes wants to go to school a full hour before it begins. Today was
one of those days. I had to physically block his way so he couldn’t walk out
the door. Glowering, I held him by the shoulders and firmly reminded him that: 1.
No one else would be hanging out on the school playground an hour before
school. 2. It is technically against the rules to hang out on the playground (sans
adult) until 15 minutes before school starts. My son holds little regard for
rules or common sense, so I found myself in one of our oil-and-water arguments
that always makes me want to bang my head against the wall.
Midway through this quarrel, it dawned on me that I needed to switch
gears entirely and run upstairs to rouse my daughter. Unlike Owen, Jane does not like getting up. I know she’s at the
age where she should be more responsible for herself, but these days I have to
be a total bit** for her to even attain consciousness: I shout at her for a little
while, pull back her covers, turn on all the lights in the bedroom, etc. This particular
morning, moving at a glacial speed,
Jane was not anywhere close to being ready (no breakfast, no teeth-brushing,
homework scattered about, etc.) when her ride pulled into our driveway. The
swear-words were knocking around in my brain, and I had to do some deep yoga
breathing to stay in control.
Being a mom is hard enough. Factor in a couple wacko kids and a morning
from he**, and it makes me want to lose my sh*t.
I’m not sure why I torture myself every year by giving up effective,
natural, short-term pain relief that is
proven by researchers. I’d like to imagine that it somehow makes me a better person. But who am I kidding? Only 30 more fu**ing days until Easter.
had been a Tupperware container of bad language sitting off to the side in her
head, and now she’d opened it and all those crisp, crunchy words were lovely
and fresh, ready to be used."
One of the more distressing aspects of my daughters growing up is that
they now take turns sitting in the front seat of the car while I drive. Sometimes it’s nice having
them next to me – except when it comes to the radio.
It is almost comical how they flip through station after station –
repeatedly, relentlessly – until they find an acceptable song to listen to. I try
to pick my battles with them; this is one I have given up, but it drives me crazy.
I wish they would land on a decent station and just stick with it, but
they press that evil little “seek” button with all their might, hurtling their
way through a jumble of static and commercials and obnoxious DJs, assaulting me
with an annoying amount of noise pollution. But I’m even more bothered by the
fact that I cannot seem to figure out what, to them, constitutes a suitable
song. Based on their past preferences, I’ve tried to come up with some sort of
algorithm to help me determine what they like/don’t like so I can anticipate
their next move (Will they keep the
station on Adele’s “Hello” or should I gear up for a switch?), but the only
data I’ve collected consists of the following:
They used to like Justin Bieber, but now he is
intolerable. (Which is a shame because I think his new song, “Sorry,” is super catchy.)
Taylor Swift is a huge no.
Selena Gomez is a maybe.
Thumbs up to Ellie Goulding, Sia, The Weeknd,
and Demi Lovato.
All of the above statements are subject to
change without notice.
As if this isn’t maddening enough, there’s more: depending on the day,
my daughters aren’t always in agreement with each other about what is cool/not
cool to listen to. For example, this is a typical exchange between Daughter in
Front Seat and Daughter in Back Seat:
Daughter in Back
Seat(clearly frustrated by
inability to hover over the “seek” button as evidenced by indignant sighing):
“Can you turn the station? I hate this song.”
Daughter in Front
Seat(clearly relishing having
control of the radio as evidenced by smug look on face): “I like this song.
Wait until you’re in the front seat and then you can listen to whatever you
And so on. All while I long to be alone in my car, listening to the
soothing voices of NPR.
Notably, there is one thing that my girls remain in complete solidarity
about. It’s their abhorrence of what they call “the oldies.” To me, the oldies
are the Stones, the Beatles, the Eagles and Zeppelin. Classic rock that has
stood the test of time with its enduring awesomeness. Right?
Nope. My girls consider the oldies to be anything circa 2000, give or
take. This means they pretty much despise every song from the 80s and 90s that
defined my childhood and adolescence. As they sail up and down the FM dial,
I’ll hear a scrap of a melody that conjures up memories so rich I can taste
them, and they will flip the station without a second thought. Modern English’s
“I Melt With You”, REM’s “Shiny Happy People”, Dead or Alive’s “You Spin Me
Round”, ‘Til Tuesday’s “Voices Carry”, Rush’s “Tom Sawyer”, Indigo Girls’
“Galieo.” All of them, scorned. My heart, crushed.
Now and then I try to pipe in with a subtle suggestion – “Hey, girls,
why don’t you keep this song on for just a minute or two?” – but they look at
me with disdain. “That’s an oldie,
Mom,” they say. “We don’t listen to oldies.”
I always hear people say that age is relative. To their point, most of the time I don’t feel old.
Usually, I still feel like my younger self, just masquerading as a mom and wife
with responsibilities, a job, and laundry to do. Even though my daughters would
argue that I am ancient (their word), it seems like only yesterday I was cruising
around with my best friends from high school, singing BoDeans’ “Good Things” at
the top of our lungs.
I suppose I should enjoy these days of carting around my girls
and being the target of their banter. Because before I know it, they will be old
enough to drive themselves.