Trash

Since becoming a mother nine years ago, I have experienced a fundamental shift in how and to what degree I stimulate my intellect. Pre-children, I:

• Listened to NPR throughout the day
• Watched CNN while folding laundry and making dinner
• Read periodicals like Newsweek, Fast Company, and The Chronicle of Philanthropy

 As a result of these smart-person activities, I was well versed in current events and held strong opinions about Important Things. This is no longer the case. Nowadays, I:

• Subscribe to People, practically snatching it out of my mailman’s hands when he delivers it each Friday afternoon
• Visit InStyle’s “Look of the Day” website every morning to see who looked hot on the red carpet
• Rot my brain on shows like Kimora: House of Fab, and The Rachel Zoe Project, and Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? 

My husband, who finds me drooling in front of the TV as Rachel attends a to-die-for Oscar de la Renta fashion show in Paris, loses his marbles. “How can someone who majored in English watch this trash?!” he hollers. “You’ve traded Anderson Cooper for a bunch of idiots!” He shakes his head sadly, wondering where the woman he married has gone.

It’s true. I have traded Anderson Cooper for a bunch of idiots. But they’re attractive, well-dressed, entertaining idiots!

I make no apologies for my love of trash. The time and energy that my children require of me, coupled with all the bad news that’s out there, leave me with no desire to face the real world. I do not have the capacity.  

For the record, I’m not the only well-educated, reasonably bright mother who has downgraded. I see this same trend among my own friends.

Take Laura, for instance, whom I have known since the age of four. Not only do we share the same name, but we both have three kids and adore celebrity gossip. Laura has a subscription to US Weekly, calling it “the gift that keeps on giving.” She claims that US Weekly is better than People because People “has too many long feature articles.” (This from the mouth of a woman who has a master’s degree in medieval history!)

“I like to look at the photos and fashion and see what the new trends are. And because I’m frequently interrupted by my kids while trying to do anything, I need to be able to pick it up and put it down easily,” Laura says.

Amen, sister. I hear you.

Then there’s gentle, salt-of-the-earth Margaret. She’s the mother of four and has a master’s degree in religious education. Not only does she work at two local churches, but she harbors a serious addiction to The Real Housewives.

Get Margaret talking about The Real Housewives and she lights up like the sun. “I do not like the Real Housewives of DC or Miami, but I really like New Jersey, Orange County, Beverly Hills, and Atlanta,” she says. “It’s a total check-out from my reality. I like seeing what they’re wearing, and I find their ‘issues’ relatively easy to solve. I like to see what they spend their money on and what gets them riled up.”

 

The thought of mild-mannered Margaret gleefully cheering on grown women as they flip tables brings me a deep sense of contentment. I appreciate that she’s able to step away from her normal life as a mother (and nurturer of young Christian minds!) and embrace something so thoroughly brainless. Truth be told, she makes me feel better about my own dependence on the stuff.

If trash continues to bring moms like me and Laura and Margaret – and a whole slew of you out there, don’t be ashamed to admit it – a sense of relief from the drudgery of our days, then keep it coming. I want the whole dumpster, baby.