Thanks, Mom. I love you, Mom. You're the best, Mom.

Me, age 39

 

My friend Lisa is over for dinner to celebrate the start of the school year. We are swapping stories from our summers and congratulating each other on surviving. I feel bedraggled after the non-stop activity of the last couple months, but Lisa says that her husband and kids did something to radically boost her own flagging spirits.

 

“I got out of bed last week,” Lisa says, “and I went downstairs to find a huge poster hanging in our dining room. It said ‘THANK YOU, MOM!’ and the kids had covered the paper with descriptions of all the things I did for them this summer. They had bought a bouquet of flowers, and each of them had written me a thank-you card. It was unbelievably thoughtful and renewing.”

 

As Lisa talks, my husband, who is listening to our conversation, shrinks into the couch, sheepish. Neither he nor my children has done anything to acknowledge my efforts this summer. “Lisa, you have to stop telling Laura all this,” he entreats. “It’s making me look bad.”

 

“No, honey, it isn’t,” I reassure him.  

 

OK, I’m lying. 

 

Formal – or even informal – recognition of my toil and time does not come naturally to those in my family. This is an unfortunate fact that I must accept. And – glumly – I do. But who wouldn’t love to wake up to posters and flowers and thank-you notes, acknowledging the million things we do for our kids?

 

Since my dinner with Lisa, I’ve been trying not to feel envious of the sincere display of appreciation showered on her. Instead, I remind myself that for many children (and husbands too, apparently), gratitude must be taught and reinforced. As a result, I launch a household campaign of gratefulness, pointedly thanking my family for loading the dishwasher, taking out the trash, making their beds, etc. etc.   

 

Sadly, my tactics don’t seem to work as effectively as I had envisioned (which is to say that I have yet to hear anyone thank me for anything), so I resort to more drastic measures: If my kids and husband are unable to produce words of gratitude on their own, then I will put the words directly in their mouths for them. To that end, I come up with a sort of chant that is easy to memorize. It goes like this: “Thanks, Mom! I love you, Mom! You’re the best, Mom!” I instruct my family to say it with vigor, like they really mean it.  

 

Now, when I hand them their freshly folded clean laundry or make their favorite meal for dinner, I give them a little nudge and nod my head encouragingly. And I hear the sweet (if forced) sound of gratitude: “Thanks, Mom! I love you, Mom! You’re the best, Mom!”

 

I am aware that, to a certain extent, my family is humoring me (I know this because the exclamation points never quite make it into my kids’ delivery), but I’ll take it for now. I remain optimistic that one day, my kids and husband will say these words from the heart – spontaneously, meaningfully, and without being cued. And that will be lovely.

 

But if they want to throw in some flowers and cards too, I'd appreciate it.